Blooper Reel

Here's a compilation of quotes and such from the campaign that I wrote on my character sheet over an almost two-year period. I tried to put them in roughly chronological order, but they're sometimes grouped thematically. Out-of-character comments are attributed by initials, in-character comments are attributed by character name, and in some cases your guess is as good as mine as to who said what...


Upon Entering a Massive Nar Shadda Weapons Emporium

"Come with me,
and you'll see,
such a world of savage disintegration!"
- CS



Prank Calls in Star Wars

"Are your droids running?"

"Yes."

"Then you'd better fit them with restraining bolts!"



I Still Maintain that These Are Perfectly Reasonable Star Wars Names

Lebel Resbian - The Rebel Lesbian

Rett Kon - Hey, wasn't he supposed to have died?

Jett Pak - Proud owner of a jet pack.

Sudo Nom - Man of mystery.

Fabia Lace - A Sullustan. ('Nuff said.)



Paying Respect to a Fallen Foe

"Burble, burble, burble, I'm a Sith Marauder and I can't breathe underwater!"



He'll Never Live It Down

Ackbar: "Buckle in."

CS: "But there's no shoulder belt!"

MM (as Ackbar): "IT'S A LAP...belt."

* * *

Somebody in a sewer: "Ackbar, what's that floating by?"

Somebody else (as Ackbar): "IT'S A CRAP!"

* * *

Somebody: "Ackbar, is that a hobo over there?"

Somebody else (as Ackbar): "IT'S A TRAMP!"


("Ackbar" never once missed a beat...)



Neither Will His People

Talia (suspiciously eyeing a ship that crashed into our base): "It could be a trap..."

The GM: "A Mon Calamari next to you nods enthusiastically."



Ackbar's (Apocryphal) Love Letter to Mon Mothma

"My heart can't repel love of this magnitude!"



On Mon Calamari/Quarren Relations

MH: "The Quarren actually eat the Mon Calamari's...waste."

LA: "Really?"

The GM (offhand): "Yeah, that's their primary food source."

MH: "..."

MH: "Are you being serious? Because I totally thought I made that up."


Speculation About the Knobby White Spider

Player 1: "So, maybe it lays eggs down your throat, and at first you think you're okay, but then--"
Player 2: "Why would you think you're okay?!?"


Somebody Didn't Listen to Yoda

Egon Pak: "I fear Felucia. That makes me angry. You know, I just hate the place. Any motherfucker that gets in my way is going to suffer."



We Didn't Take a Lot of Prisoners

CS: "Stormtroopers will tell their Stormtrooper children about me one day!"

AL: <horrified sputter> "No they won't!"



On the Social Status of Droids and NPCs

At the Mos Eisley cantina, we are told that our droids can't come inside. Someone suggests that the low-level NPC technicians wait outside with them.

"But it's 140 degrees outside!"

(dimissively) "We can crack a window."

*everyone dies laughing*

(Ironically, at least one of those technicians stuck around to become a Jedi, and a beloved supporting character...)



True...From a Certain Point of View

Somebody: "Jolee, you're supposed to come up to the cockpit."

Jolee (having just stumbled across a young Princess Leia stowing away in the hold): "...I'm having girl problems!"



Proper Target Identification is Vital

"Shoot the Defel!"

"He's the one in the blue dress."



But Ponda Baba's Arm Was Saved

Dr. Evazan: "You just watch yourself. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems."

Jolee (grabbing him by the collar): "Do you know how many systems I have the death sentence on? Do you know how big my Imperial Bounty is?"

Dr. Evazan: <backs away slowly>



On Naming Conventions

Most everyday objects have slightly different names in Star Wars. Guns are "blasters," bathrooms are "refreshers" ('freshers), cars are "landspeeders," Gamorrean guards carry "vibro-axes," elevators are "turbolifts," etc. However, some items have never appeared in the fiction, so we just did the best we could...

"What do they call a vibrator?"
"A vibro-vibrator."

"What do they use for heat?"
"A space space heater...?"



I Miss the Reestablishment of the Jedi Order, Am Brought Up to Speed

"So, the New Jedi Code is, 'Seek Knowledge,' 'Seek Peace,' and 'Don't be a Douche.'"

"Except we wrote that last bit in a more 'Star Wars' way."

"Vibro-douche."


The Party's First Ride in a Turbolift

"What kind of elevat-- turbolift music do they have in Star Wars anyway?"

<somebody starts humming the other Cantina song>

<more players join in>

<everyone joins in>

The GM: <sniffle> "I love you guys."



Jolee Has Something Important to Tell Luke, But He Interrupts Before She Can Start

Luke: "Look, Jolee, I'm flattered, but to be honest I've kind of had my eye on that Alderaanian girl..."



Obi-Wan Tells Jolee That Leia is Luke's Sister

Jolee: "Luke is interested in Leia!" <laughs>

Obi-Wan (gravely): "It's not funny Jolee."

Jolee: "Oh, come on, it's a little funny."

Obi-Wan: "..."

Obi-Wan (resignedly): "It is a little funny..."



Upon Seeing an "Eat at Jawa's" Sign on Coruscant

"They serve ro-ti-ni!"



Sometimes Blue Milk Just Won't Cut It

Lando's beverage of choice: DL-44

Han's Beverage of choice: Kessel Rum



A Disreputable Wookiee

"He's mad, madclaw Leroy Brown,
Maddest claw in the whole damn town,
Meaner than an old Rancor..."
- CS



He Did Have a High Diplomacy Skill

Pel: "Don't worry, I'll take him aside and make sure he doesn't tell anyone."

Dool (?): "You must be pretty convincing."

Everyone (in unison): "HE IS."

Dool (?): "Well, okay, I guess..."

Zach (?): "See?"



That's Our Talia!

Emperor Palpatine (to the group): "...and there's nothing you can do about it, Jedi!"

Talia: "Good thing I'm not a Jedi, then." <rolls a 36 initiative, matter-of-factly raises her heavy blaster rifle, and fires>